I stay changing my mind lol. I’ve had a perspective shift when it comes to dating.
I know I just wrote a post on how over I am of these guys but I asked myself, If I were to meet someone right now, considering the place I’m at in my life, is it in my best interest to get into a serious relationship?
Not really.
This post is on my perspective shift from “dating to marry” to “detached to an outcome”.
Have I been approaching dating all wrong?
I’m still learning myself and figuring out my career path. I do not have the space or energy to go all in on a serious relationship unless it comes naturally and with time.
I’m in no rush. Especially with my idealistic, hopeless romantic nature I’ve learned I need to slow it down. Cause I be putting on those rose colored glasses after the first date goes well.
Yikes. I know.
I’ve always seen things so black and white. It was either I’m dating to marry or no roster at all.
Things don’t have to be that way. It’s okay to feel things out. Going on a date, or two, three dates doesn’t mean we’re going to end up together forever.
I’ve been single since November 2021 with barely any love life since then. I’m completely happy to be single. I have my own hobbies and love my solitude.
But I think it’s been long enough.
I want some change and I have the power to make it.
I’m young. Why not go on a few dates and talk to different types of men? It doesn’t have to be that deep.
This is probably common sense for a lot of people, but for me I didn’t have healthy examples of relationships. I grew up seeing attachment, not actual love.
Perspective Shift
I’m not sure exactly what switched my perspective. I was always the type to see dating multiple people as a waste of time and/or too draining. But, I don’t have to put in a lot of effort or energy, and I can go about it my own way.
I want to practice dating without expectations; without expecting a specific outcome. It will help me not romantacize people so much and be more present. I would always feel like if I met someone and things went well, that things were on their way to a committed relationship. Instead of taking it one date at a time, I would rush and get blinded by my desire to be in a relationship.
It’s hard to explain but even though I knew I could change my mind or end things, I felt like there wasn’t enough reason to do so. It’s like I wouldn’t trust myself to make that decision. I would give them the benefit of the doubt. I would overthink it and make excuses for them. It’s like I felt like it was hard to meet someone I connected with, so when I did, I didn’t want to let go.
If things didn’t last, I would get my feelings hurt. But not everyone I date is going to end up my boyfriend, and that’s completely fine. Choosing to be in a committed relationship is not that simple.
I want to get used to that idea because in the past; I would meet one person, get hooked and not date anyone else. I don’t think putting all your eggs in one basket is ever a good idea.
Dating Apps
I used to feel weird using dating apps, I always wanted to meet people in real life. But that’s not working out very well.
I realize it’s because I never saw guys I was really attracted to and I was more a shy girl but I’m over that.
I’ve downloaded Hinge and have had it for a month. There’s actually a lot of good potential candidates. There’s guys seeking a relationship, not just a hookup. A lot of their prompts weren’t just dumb phrases.
I think I need to have options because I’ve always gotten stuck on one person. I think it would be good to be able to compare and see the type of guy I prefer to be with for the long haul.
Have fun. Take things one date at a time.
Dates are meant to be fun and you never know what cool people/conversations you might have, even if nothing comes from it. Ofcourse, there are possibilities of bad dates (that I hope I don’t have too often), but it’s part of the dating experience.
I’m trying to take things slow and take things as they are, not what I think they will be.
Who knows, maybe after summer I’ll be more serious with dating butttt for now I’m not worrying about getting into a relationship. If it happens cool, if not that’s cool too.
I’ve been single without dating for long enough, this perspective shift is what I needed. If you’re like me, maybe this perspective shift will help you out too.
Thank you for being here, have a great day/night <3