It’s been longer than I’d like but I’m happy to be back. I hope this post encourages you to keep going despite uncertainty.
Getting Through the Growing Pains
I’ve been reflecting on my decision to change my career and looking at how far I’ve come. It’s crazy how many ups and downs there have been. At first quitting my job and deciding that I’m no longer going to grad school was exhilarating and exciting. Then as time went by and I started to feel the weight of my decision, I started to question everything. The self-doubt, feeling lost, and anxious. It was so overwhelming and I felt so alone. Even though I knew that I had to just push through, it would still get to me sometimes. There was so much uncertainty and doubt that my mind was trying its best to protect me. But it’s funny how the mind works. The mind will really create thoughts out of fear and anxiety when there’s uncertainty. Especially in this situation where this plan I had for years was changing so drastically. In addition to that, my self worth was taking a major hit. I realized I based my self worth on my accomplishments and productivity. I felt good enough when I got a degree, moved to Spain and had a set career plan. I felt even better when I was getting external validation for those things. Those things are not sustainable. I am worth more than what I’ve accomplished. I changed, and I had to let go of who I thought I was. Which did not happen easily.
I began questioning everything and feeling like I wasted so much time. It was hard to accept that I spent four years at a university and spent money on a degree I’m not going to use. I was regretting my degree choice. I was just in such a negative mindset and it wasn’t until I broke down that I realize there’s no point in being hard on myself and having regrets. I actually learned so much valuable information from my degree and just because I won’t be “using” it for a career, doesn’t mean it’s worthless. It’s child development. I technically use it all the time and even more so when I become a mother. My self-worth is not based on my career, academic accolades or overall success. I am worthy just as I am. Eventually I overcame those intense emotions, the second-guessing was still there. I had to intentionally choose to not entertain those thoughts no matter how strong they felt at times. I had to remind myself time and time again the reason why I made this drastic decision in the first place. I had to tell myself to relax and not take life so seriously. Even if I was making a “wrong” decision (there is none btw). It’s not the end of the world. I have a degree to fall back on and new experiences added to my life.
Perservere Despite Uncertainty
I ended up still getting another job working with children, but it was a totally different environment and work schedule than I was used to. There was more flexibility and it gave me a taste of how life could be when I’m making more money with a flexible schedule. I finally made a decision and committed to it. At the start, I would still question my decision and my mind kept wondering if there is a better career for me than the one I’ve chosen. I had to literally ignore those thoughts. At this point I was just pushing through with the decision I made. I joined an online school and had invested money into it already. I wasn’t turning back just because of fear. If it was something I truly didn’t like, that would be different. But when I observed the thoughts I had, they were all coming from a place of fear and self doubt. Fuck that shit, I need to believe in myself. It’s hard sometimes but you have to be your #1 fan. Confidence won’t come out of nowhere. Do it scared, shy, anxious, whatever. Just do it!
Now things are becoming more real and I’m getting closer and closer to that new career I’ve been working towards. Now I can reflect on the past two years and I just feel so proud of myself for pushing through even when things were hard and scary. I’m pursuing goals despite uncertainty. I may be an anxious person that overthinks, but I don’t let those thoughts dictate my decisions. I’m excited for what’s to come for me and for all the change. Who knows what can come from this new career. And I’m just excited to establish a new life for myself.
In conclusion, we all need to believe in ourselves blindly! We are all worthy just as we are. All the accomplishments, money and success don’t define who you are. We really are the masters of our own realities. Life is made up of a bunch of decisions, big and small. They all matter. What decision(s) will you make to impact you and your life for the better?
Thank you for being here <3
Related Posts:
Change: Have a Plan, God Will Laugh
uncertainty, decisions, self-worth, change
Leave a Reply