Yayyy I’ve officially been a year *consistently* celibate!! In total it’s been a year and a 7 months of intentionally practicing celibacy but I had broken it (it happens).
It’s been a journey of self love and self discovery. Truly focusing on myself and spending my time ( time I would spend worrying about men) on hobbies, my goals and loved ones instead. This time has given me clarity and the space to figure out what I want in a life partner/relationship. It has allowed me to realize how I view relationships and men. It has gotten me used to a life where I am the main focus and I am so much more sure of my self.
Confidence, sense of self, individuality, self validation, self trust.
These are the key words I would say my celibacy journey has granted me. No longer do I seek for male validation as often as I used to. Ofcourse, I’m human, I’m going to want it or like getting it but this time around my actions aren’t exhibiting a need for male validation. When I’m out, I’m there to have fun with my friends and I don’t care how I’m being perceived. When I’m talking to a guy, I don’t care if I come across weird for being myself. When I’m texting a guy, I’m letting them do the work and pursue me.
men become on the bottom of your priority list
In addition, it takes much more from a man to seem worthy of my time. I really rather be with my friends than spend half the night dancing on a guy. That can be fun too (and no judgment, I’ve had my fair share of grinding) but I find it a more valuable time making memories with friends.
Guys just don’t impress me or seem worth my time because I see right through them. My discernment has really improved. I wouldn’t say this came just from being celibate, I’ve also learned the hard way which I feel like was an important part of my celibacy journey as well.
breaking my celibacy
Though I unfortunately broke my celibacy the first time around, I learned so much from it. Temptations will come and people will try to push your boundaries. If you stick to them, great. If you don’t, you just got some more learning to do and that’s okay. Just like I did, you have to give yourself compassion and not judge yourself. I tend to be hard on myself so I had to remind myself often. It happened, just move on and try harder to not do it again.
be intentional. Take time to reflect. Journal
It’s so important to be intentional when you’re celibate. You won’t learn much about yourself or relationships if you’re not doing the work. Being celibate is only the physical aspect of the journey.
So how I make the most out of my celibacy and overall singlehood is prioritizing myself. Prioritizing my relationship with myself. One main issue in my relationships was not being prioritized. I realized that I can fulfill that longing for myself. I can give myself what I’ve never had and always wanted.
date yourself.
So I date and reparent myself. I get cute and take myself out on solo dates. Give myself love and compassion when I’m feeling down, lonely or triggered. Speak to my inner child/ inner teen and the wounded parts of me. Showing them love and acceptance. Allowing myself to feel my emotions without judgment. Not always trying to figure out why I’m feeling a certain way. Just being there for myself when I need it. Uplift myself and speak loving words to myself. I listen and trust that inner voice, my intuition. Many times there’s no explanation but you gotta go with your gut.
I have explored my interests and now have actual hobbies. I know myself more now and feel like I can talk highly and sure of myself. I finally have something to say when people ask me about myself. My self love has grown and so has my confidence. I give myself validation. My opinion of me is the only one that matters.
standards will rise.
With being celibate for so long you will naturally get used to not having men in your life. Which in turn makes you more particular with what men you allow in your life. Because once you realize how freeing and fun it is to be a single young beautiful woman, you will be much harder to impress. You will not want just any guy in your life. You will want someone who adds value and doesn’t stress you out. You will know your worth and not let any man treat you like average. You’ll be so secure with yourself that you won’t let anyone ruin your peace of mind. And if they do, you’ll bounce back even quicker and use it as fuel to level up.
everyone’s celibacy journey is unique to them
Everyone will have their own, unique experience on their celibacy journey. I can say for myself that it was a little easier being in my solitude because I’ve grown up spending a lot of time alone and I’m hyper independent. It’s also been easier for me to not have a “roster” because I hate dating apps and I’m not a social butterfly.
So don’t judge yourself or worry if it’s a little harder for you to stay celibate. My biggest piece of advice would be to not put yourself in situations of temptation. If you’re not used to having a “boring” love life, this will be a good challenge for you to find something else to occupy your time and mind. Satisfy your urges by pleasuring yourself.
now what?
Now that I’m a year celibate and I’ve accomplished my goal, I could choose to start being sexually active again. But knowing myself, it won’t be a decision that nurtures my heart. I want something real and I’m willing to wait to have sex with someone I have a genuine connection with. So who knows how long this celibacy will last lol. Maybe I’ll be making a “2 year celibacy” post lmao.
If you’ve gotten this far, I appreciate you. If you have any questions, don’t be shy to ask!! Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you have a great day/night <3