Here is my journey of boosting my confidence from within; which came hand in hand with overcoming my social anxiety. I have this sense of self and confidence that I never had before. No one is always confident and I still get social anxiety but with these tips I have made so much progress.
Keep in mind, I didn’t know these things I did would lower my social anxiety. I don’t want you to force these things to happen, just be aware of them. Do it when you are ready and be open to doing the inner work. From a former “shy” person, here’s what actually helped me.
Realizing I had anxiety and figuring out the cause
I didn’t even know what I had was social anxiety. Others always labeled me as shy so I internalized that. But I always felt a sense of fear and discomfort in new social situations that others didn’t seem to have. I always wondered how others seemed so comfortable being themselves. It took an Instagram post from the @the.holistic.psychologist to make me realize that my overthinking tendencies, extreme analysis of my behavior, shallow breathing and raised heartbeat was social anxiety. Learning that about myself really guided me to my self-healing journey. It took a simple search of what causes anxiety to easily pinpoint for me that my childhood trauma played a huge role in the root of my anxiety.
Being emotionally vulnerable
It wasn’t until I opened up to loved ones that I really became aware of how my trauma impacted me. Opening up to the right people helped me get the validation and reassurance my inner child needed. I had always kept to my self and was never vulnerable. I didn’t know how healing it would be to just talk to people about it. Looking deeper and reflecting helped me realize why I was the way that I am. Knowing the “why” gave me some clarity. This clarity led me to work on some wounds that I didn’t even know were there in the first place.
Continuously putting an effort to being vulnerable has also helped me connect to others. Being open while simultaneously not oversharing helped me become more comfortable talking to people. I had always been the listener, but now that I am more comfortable talking about myself, conversations with others have been deeper.
Showing myself compassion
Taking the time to self-reflect and heal my inner child made a huge difference in my mental health. I catch myself when I’m being hard on myself. I give myself compassion in triggering moments. I speak to my inner child and reassure them that they are safe with me. I have a post How to Practice Self Compassion to help you get started.
This helps with confidence because the more you show yourself love for your mistakes, the less afraid you will be to fail. If we stopped giving our inner critic so much power over us then we would be much more willing to put ourselves out there. You may have been raised to treat mistakes as the end of the world, but now you can rewire that mindset. Replace criticism with compassion.
Consuming self improvement and woman empowerment content
In the beginning of my journey, I knew I wanted better for myself but I didn’t know how to start. Coming across mental health, self improvement and woman empowerment content had given me a different perspective on so many things. Their advice gave me an idea of how I can improve my life, relationships and confidence. Really taking in the advice that self help accounts shared and finding people to look up to allowed me to put their advice into practice. Hearing encouraging, empowering words from other embodied women can be really helpful. Sometimes you just need a little push to get the ball rolling. Go on books, youtube, podcasts, instagram and tiktok to find content creators that align with your views. Sometimes it’s the influencer we think we won’t like that will surprise you. I have a post with content creators I follow: My Favorite Content Creators for Self Improvement.
Making scary decisions and getting out of my comfort zone
In 2021, I moved to Spain and worked as an English-Language assistant in Spain for 9 months. I knew this decision would change my life, but now being at the end of it I see how much it drastically raised my confidence and decreased my social anxiety. To realize I did something I thought I would’ve never done empowered the fuck out of me. At times I was shy and insecure. I made mistakes and missed my loved ones. But making that one decision for myself raised my confidence from the inside and it showed on the outside. Just remember, every bad thing that’s happened to you, you’ve gotten through. You are so much more capable than you think and I say that with my whole ass chest. If an anxious, insecure, and introverted person (me) can put myself out there, then so can you.
Putting more effort in my daily appearance
I used to be the person that never really tried that hard to look good unless I had actual plans. I wouldn’t put an effort into my outfit, hair or face when I was just going to run errands. Once I decided, ‘hey, let me actually dress cute and do my hair today’ I finally understood why people say “When you look good, you feel good”. You don’t have to go all out, but put an actual effort and maybe find an everyday hair and face routine that has you feeling cute af. You’ll find yourself walking differently. You’ll be feeling good and when a cute person walks by you’ll be glad you tried. Try it out.
Solitude
Spending time alone not only put myself out of my comfort zone, it also gave me time for myself. Time to reflect and just get used to my own company. Once I started doing things alone, I started to realize how much fun it can be to do things your own way, on your own time. Sometimes we don’t realize that we’re so concerned with accommodating the people we’re with. Start off small if you need to. The more you do it, the more you will get used to being alone and genuinely enjoying your own company.
What I also enjoyed about doing things alone was making mistakes and not having anyone else I know witness it. Sure I can tell them as a joke later on, but at that moment it doesn’t feel as embarrassing because you will literally never see those strangers again and you don’t have to tell people about it if you don’t want to. You also get good practice at how to do things, like booking trips, eating at restaurants, and navigating a new area. I realized that now when I hang out with friends, I don’t mind being the one to tell the waiter something or calling a place to ask a question. I used to always get anxiety over small things like that.
Engaging in conversation with new people.
*Just fucking say it*
I don’t always do this, but I try my best when I’m in a group of people that I just met or aren’t very close with. I used to minimize myself and never contribute to the conversation and then beat myself up for not saying anything. Now, when I think of something to say I just say it before my anxiety tries to stop me. Sometimes it gets a response, a laugh or a smile and sometimes it’s sort of dismissed. But I don’t take it personal, I just focus on the fact that I didn’t hold back and actually took up some space. I try not to overthink interactions afterwards because there’s no point, it already happened!
Accepting and embracing my shyness. Not defining myself by how others label me.
I always internalized what others would call me and label me. I am the only one that can define who I am. People who call me shy only have seen the shy side of myself. The people who call me social had met me when my social battery was high. We are all complex human beings and it’s impossible to define someone as just “shy” or just “extroverted”. Remind yourself that no one else knows you better than you know yourself. And what’s so wrong with being quiet and introverted? Nothing, so let’s stop labeling certain traits as negative and positive. You can be a quiet person who is also a social butterfly. At times I want to go out and other times I want to be alone. It’s possible to be many things at once and at different times. Show love to all sides of you and don’t cling on to a specific trait as your whole personality, you’re so much more than just one thing.
Be vulnerable. Do something that scares you. Do things alone. Embrace the traits you don’t like about yourself.
I hope this post helped you on your journey of overcoming social anxiety. These tips will help you grow in so many ways, not just confidence. They just so happen to increase my confidence and lower my anxiety in a way that I didn’t expect…internally. Your confidence and anxiety will not be easily triggered if you find that confidence within yourself.
You are already on the right track trying to work on yourself. You got this boo. Don’t worry about when you will get there, just believe you will. Thank you so much for reading and have a great day/night! <3