We’re so used to making romantic love and relationships a main topic in our lives but a time period of being intentionally single gives you the space you need to really focus on yourself.
Being intentionally single is a part of falling in love with your solitude. Taking the effort to not entertain anyone romantically actually takes no effort at all. It’s like a weight off your shoulders and a chance to date yourself.
I’m currently intentionally single and I love it. Everyone’s journey is unique to themselves, I just so happen to have recently embrace my solitude. Ofcourse, there are some tough times but the pros definitley outweigh the cons.
This post is all about why you should be intentionally single and the benefits it brings.
What does it mean to be “intentionally single?”
To be intentionally single, you can’t entertain anyone romantically. Entertaining consists of “talking” stages, situationships, texting, and going on dates, especiallyyy people you know don’t align with you. Your only focus is on you and you aren’t available for anyone romantically. You’re in a committed relationship with yourself and you don’t need any distractions. Period.
Love is key in life, but not just romantic love. This time is to fill yourself up with self love, love from/for family and friends, love for hobbies and passions. Love for life itself.
Why do it?
Starting with the obvious; you can completely focus on yourself. You don’t have to be single to be able to focus on yourself but it sure helps! It allows one to have mental and emotional clarity. Any type of romantic situation is going to take up more of your energy and mess with your emotions. Mentally, you have the space to think on more important things like ourselves, our friendships, family, personal and financial goals. Your time and energy is precious, so act accordingly and make space for what’s really important to you. Love comes and goes, and if you’re reading this post I’m assuming love isn’t a priority in your life right now, so what’s the rush?
Being intentionally single will leave you with much more free time to pursue hobbies, do inner work and date yourself. A date with yourself is just as valid and always a guarantee to go well and be spent with good company, read this post on some easy solo date ideas 11 Simple Solo Date Ideas|Enjoy Being Alone. You’ll be surprised at the interests/skills you aquire from just taking the time to learn more about yourself. It was during my period of solitude that I was able to reflect on my interests, get into my creative side and start this blog.
There’s just so many other things you can be doing.
Many may think they won’t be affected by entertaining men by texting or just going on dates, but honestly what’s the point? If that’s all you’re doing with no intention of it going anywhere, why is it even worth your time? Unless they’re paying you I don’t see the point. Instead, use up more of your time to strengthen the relationships you already have. Reflect on how you show up in your other relationships, what can you do to be a better friend, sibling, daughter/son?
Romantic situations (especially with cis straight men) usually bring stress, drama, and worry. It really isn’t worth your peace just for some temporary affection and validation from someone who isn’t taking you serious. Which brings me to say, that this period of being intentionally single will show you how much you rely on romantic relationships/situations to distract yourself from being alone with your own thoughts. Once you build a strong sense of self and know what you want, you’ll catch red flags quick and end up with someone who makes your life easier, not harder.
It personally feels great not even putting any thought in my mind about dating or anything in regards to a love life. Being intentionally single allows you to set a stable foundation for yourself to be able to enter relationships knowing who the fuck you are and knowing for certain you will leave if they are not meeting your standards.
It won’t always be easy in a society that praises relationships.
Society lovesss anything regarding love and relationships, it’s something everyone can relate to. Most of the songs, shows and social media posts are about love/heartbreak. Romantic relationships are always a topic of conversation. It’s impossible to escape but you have to remind yourself why you’re choosing to be intentionally single. You’re doing this for you. Those small moments of wanting affection or a partner are bound to happen, it’s human nature. Let those moments pass and remind yourself what a relief it is to only be spending your time and energy on yourself and loved ones.
If you find your friends always asking you for updates about your love life, let them know that you’re being intentionally single. They should respect that and not ask you again. If men, relationships etc. are the only topics of conversation when you go out with your friends, maybe reevaluate your friendships. There are plenty of more important things to talk about. Life is not all about finding love or the hot guy you have a crush on.
Give yourself the love and validation you seek.
This is in terms of casual dating and texting others with no intention of it going anywhere. Ask yourself why. Are you doing it to gain more experience in the dating scene or do you just want some attention and validation even if it’s the bare minimum? There’s no shame in wanting some attention, but why are you okay with receiving meaningless attention? You are worth being treated like the special person you are. Read my post How to Improve Your Relationship With Yourself that gives some ways on how you can get closer with yourself.
Take this time to learn how to give yourself the affection and attention you crave. The validation you seek can be found within yourself. No amount of validation from outside yourself can match the validation you give yourself. Use the love and affection you give others and give it to yourself. Emotionally, mentally and physically. Get in tune with your body, learn to listen to it and how to self pleasure. Realize the power your body has and how amazing it is for simply existing. Speak kindly to yourself, caress yourself, hug yourself, be your biggest fan.
This practice of being intentionally single is a practice of self discipline and self control. This time period take the time to note how you are dealing with no male attention. Reflect on how much you do or don’t rely on romantic attention. If you’re really struggling, this is a great opportunity to dig deep and self reflect. Where is this strong desire for male affection and validation coming from? For example, I have never been close to my father. He was very emotionally absent in my life. In the past, that desire for a man’s love was very prominent, and there is still that part of me that yearns for love and affection from a male. But now, I have become fulfilled with my own solitude that even though a masculine love would be nice, I am not accepting crumbs just for the sake of having it.
How long should you be intentionally single?
It’s up to you to decide how long you would like to be intentionally single. You can try it out and see how long you can do it for, or you can set a specific time period. I personally intend to be single until I actually want to be in a relationship because as of right now I am mentally not in the right space to put attention and effort into anything else but myself, I am in no rush. I strongly believe that people enter your life for a reason, so if you meet someone that changes your mind about being intentionally single just make sure they’re worth it. It might be a test from the universe/God to see if you are able to stick to the promise you made to yourself. Do this for whatever amount of time that feels right to you, but challenge yourself ofcourse. You will know when you are ready to shift your mindset to receiving love and meeting your person.
Enjoy this time dedicated to you.
If you are not looking for love, dedicate this time to nurture yourself. Being intentionally single gives you the time to completely focus on the relationships you already have with the people who matter (family, friends, yourself). It’s such a relief to not have any of your precious energy and time on meaningless situationships and conversations.
If you’ve gotten this far I appreciate you so much! Thank you for taking the time to read my post and I am sending you the best of luck on your unique journey. Have a great day/night! <3