Being an independent woman isn’t for everyone, but it definitely feels empowering to know you got it like that on your own.
In this post I will cover the pros and cons of being independent, and when it may be unhealthy for you. I would consider myself an independent person, but I don’t always wish I was.
If you’re a fellow independent baddie, let me know if you resonate!
The Pros of being an Independent Queen
You get things done.
You have no issue getting the things you need to do done. The to-do list is set up and you get to doing what you gotta do. You don’t rely on anyone else to help you or do things for you. You know you got it, and you’ll do it well. It’s empowering to know you can sustain and take care of yourself. With that empowerment, confidence naturally grows within you. You know you are capable of so much and have so much to offer. It feels good to know you are able to do things on your own. With doing things alone, you also have to make major decisions alone. As an independent woman, it’s not a big deal for you. You trust yourself to make logical, smart decisions that will benefit you.
You embrace your solitude.
Typically if you’re an independent person, you are okay with being alone. This is a huge benefit because having to do things alone won’t hold you back from completing them. You’re so comfortable with your own company that it actually brings you peace to be alone. With enjoying your solitude, your self love grows. You are able to fill your own cup instead of seeking to get your cup filled from others. Another pro is that independent women are usually boss ass bitches that have great work ethic and acheive great success. Being independent is a great trait to have if you’re trying to own your own business, be an entrepeneur etc.. Along with enjoying your own company, you are able to self soothe. This is an important and key thing to know how to do when your usual support system isn’t available to be there for you. When you self soothe (not just self-isolate) you are able to comfort yourself the way you would a loved one. This helps with your mental health and prevents painful emotions from being suppressed.
The cons
Hyper-independent
To be hyper-independent, you don’t rely on anyone at all – even emotionally. You tackle all your hardships alone and you never/rarely reach out for help. Right off the bat you can see how this can do more harm than good. Not reaching out for help is only hurting yourself, it’s okay to be vulnerable. Many independent women may struggle with being vulnerable and that is why they are more comfortable dealing with things alone. Yet, to be independent to this extent will only result in you feeling lonely and possibly build resentment for others not realizing your struggle. If you never ask for help, no one will know that you need it. Especially as an independent woman, everyone automatically assumes you’re fine. You appear to have it all together so many people may not notice you’re actually going through it. One needs to be vulnerable to allow others to be vulnerable in return.
You’ll eventually burn out. This is highly likely to occur if you try to do everything yourself and overwork yourself. Allow others to help you and let go of the need to have control. I understand because I rather do things myself but, for your own mental health take it easy on yourself. You are not a machine, give yourself grace and allow yourself some free time to relax and have fun.
In relationships
It can be difficult for heterosexual independent women to be in long-lasting relationships. Independent women typically have more masculine energy because they are so used to doing and working instead of receiving and relaxing. This can lead to them struggling with receiving and allowing a man to carry some of their burden. They’re so used to doing things alone that when someone comes along and wants to help or stick around, they’re bothered. If you’re hyper-independent, it’s even more difficult to be vulnerable and intimate with someone, yet vulnerability is key in relationships. One has to let people in, not just in romantic relationships but in all relationships with loved ones.
Being an independent woman myself
If you know me, you know I pride myself in being independent. I usually don’t ask for help, I love my solitude and I always have a goal I’m working towards. I’m used to getting things done on my own and I always try to figure out the solution to a problem before asking for help. I love this trait about myself but I can’t say I always like that I’m this way. I’ve gained this trait from having to figure things out on my own and not feeling like I have people to reach out to. For me, unfortunately, I know that my independence is a trauma response. Growing up I never had that safespace where I knew I could go to my parents for help. I had been shamed for my strong emotions that led me feeling uncomfortable with vulnerability. Though my sisters always showed me love, I was never open with many things about myself. Being left to deal with my own emotions led me to have this unhealthy coping mechanisms where my first thought is to self isolate and suffer in silence.
So now that I’m trying to grow and break through those emotional blocks, I’m tired of it. Just because I am able to be independent, doesn’t mean I always want to be. At this point, I can’t wait to meet someone who relieves this need I feel to do things myself. I want to be able to rely on someone else other than myself. I know that I can only 100% rely on myself, and I trust myself to be able to do so but I would love to have someone else ease some weight off my shoulders. I love that I can get shit done on my own, and I’ve proved it to myself already. Being independent is a trait that I will always identify with and a trait my future partner will have as well. But now, I’m ready to open myself up and receive. If you can relate to my story, I hope you too are working towards letting your walls down and receiving the love and help you are worthy of.
This is a vulnerable moment for me, but here is an excerpt of a rant I wrote about being hyper-independent due to trauma:
I’m tired of it. Tired of only having myself to truly rely and confide in, yet I struggle to open up, ask for help and take up space. I’m so used to doing everything myself that it doesn’t even cross my mind to ask for help. When I’m very upset my automatic thought process is to self isolate and console myself. It’s like being alone is the only time I get to fully feel comfortable, safe and unjudged. I know my best friends would only show me love and support, but because of my childhood it’s so ingrained in me to conceal my emotions and deal with them alone. That crying is making it a big deal and is unnecessary. Though I cry a lot alone, when it’s in front of others it feels uncomfortable and like I’m doing too much. It used to be worse before, where it would never even cross my mind, I honestly didn’t know it was normal to be so open to others about my struggles and feelings. Now I know that I can reach out to my friends because even if I feel like a burden, I remind myself that I am not.
This post is for all my independent girlies, I’m proud of you. Keep doing what you’re doing, your hard work does not go unnoticed. Take it easy on yourself and allow yourself to receive and relax.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post, I appreciate you! Have a great day/night, and wishing you an abundance of love and happines <3.