It’s time to want more for yourself and have high standards in relationships.
Having higher standards in a relationship/partner and sticking to them comes from truly believing you are worthy of the treatment you desire and dream of.
I got tired of getting disappointed and hurt by “men” who didn’t even treat me like a queen. One day I asked myself, “Why wouldn’t I want the best for myself? What’s getting in the way of me getting the amazing treatment I see other women receiving?”
This post is all about having high standards; why you should have them and how to stick to them.
Higher standards = Higher quality experiences
Having high standards might not stop you from getting your heart broken, but they will ensure that you will have better experiences. If you had to choose between getting your heartbroken from someone who did the emotional bare minimum, barely got you gifts and made you pay on dates or someone who always got you flowers, took you on trips and provided deep emotional connection; which one would you choose?? I think the answer is quite obvious.
Experiences can mean nicer dates, always having doors opened for you, paid for trips, random gifts etc. but also enriching emotional and mental experiences. For example; if you only allow emotionally intelligent and available partners into your life, you will be able to have emotional intimacy and connection that you wouldn’t have with someone who lacks emotional intelligence. Open yourself up to the amazing experiences and connections that you will have if you higher your standards.
What does having high standards actually look like?
Having high standards isn’t just about the materialistic treatment that many people assume. Not everyone cares about getting nice gifts and expensive dinners. It’s about truly feeling safe, heard, and seen by your partner. It’s having high standards for one’s traits that are not only physical. Many partners can shower you with gifts and luxury experiences, but it means much more when they can provide emotional and mental value.
These traits listed below are actually the bare minimum! Unfortunately, many people do not make these requirements (my past self included).
They must…
- Provide you emotional intimacy, security and support
- Add to your life and teach you new things
- Uplift you and push you to be a better person
- Stimulate your mind and provide meaningful conversation
- Help relieve stress from your life, not add more to it. Even goes the extra mile to help you when you are in distress.
- Be committed to self growth
- Is thoughtful and pays attention to the little things about you; your mannerisms, behavior, mood changes, likes and dislikes.
- Allows you to be your own person. Makes you feel free.
- Takes the time to learn your body
- Be consistent, put in 100% effort and good communication skills!
I could go on, but these are the main non-physical/materialistic traits that you should require in a relationship. Ofcourse physical treatment such as gifts, dates etc. are important but you can decide on your own what is important to you in that aspect. For example; I personally require a gentleman who always opens my doors and pays on dates, but I know that can be a controversial topic. To each their own, but I strongly believe these traits I listed are important and what everyone deserves in a relationship.
If you want some help on sorting out your standards and figuring out what you want in a relationship, read my post How to Know What You Want In a Partner.
Believe that it’s possible & have patience.
If you don’t believe that an amazing, genuine love connection is in store for you ofcourse you’re going to feel shitty and not work for the love you dream of. It’s not a matter of if it’s going to happen, but a matter of when. Be patient, focus on yourself and fall in love with your solitude in the meantime. As you begin to learn more about yourself and grow your self love, it will naturally become easier to know what you want and be firm with your standards. As you become happily single, a relationship won’t become a need but simply a want. The desire will come from a place of love and not fear.
Acknowledge the fact that with higher standards comes less options. Don’t let that discourage you or make you compromise your standards! It’s actually a good thing, those high standards gets rid of a bunch of candidates who don’t align with your needs and will just be a waste of time. You should be picky with who you spend your time and energy on. There are many great potential partners out there, you just have to stop entertaining low effort, bare minimum people in your life. Allow space for what you truly seek.
You attract what you put out.
I will say over and over again to work on yourself and embrace solitude. It’s a beautiful thing to bloom and flourish on your own. Gaining the confidence and sense of self that allows you to stay true to yourself and radiate postive energy. People are mirrors, if you are not working on yourself you will continue to meet people who are also not working on themselves. The higher value partner you desire also wants a higher value partner! Don’t get me wrong, you are completely worthy of love just as you are and you don’t need to be completely healed, but have the self awareness and commitment to always be learning and growing (which you’re already doing if you’re on this blog).
Don’t let looks or gifts distract you.
Whether we like it or not, looks do play a huge factor in choosing a partner (for some more than others). Someone can be our “type” but not provide any mental or emotional fulfillment we desire. Being physically attracted to someone will only take you so far. Eventually you’ll end up unhappy and wanting more from the relationship. This also pertains to gifts. Sure getting nice gifts and flowers feels great, but it only provides instant, temporary gratification. Once the “high” from getting gifts wears off, what are you left with? Is this person making you feel completely loved and cared for? Do they make you feel emotionally safe and secure? Are their actions aligning with their words? Does this person nourish your soul, heart and mind?
Pay attention to action.
Don’t be afraid to end things with someone who is not reaching all of your standards. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, you two are just simply not in alignment and have different desires. You will be doing each other a favor by not wasting any more time and allowing each other someone who does meet your standards. Settling and/or entertaining people who you know do not align with you is only getting in the way of you meeting your person.
You will never regret having high standards and sticking to them.
If you’ve gotten this far, thank you! I appreciate your time and hope this post was valuable to you in any way. Have a great day/night <3