Having high expectations of others will eventually lead to disappointment and resentment.
It’s been a recurring theme for me where I have expectations from close friends and end up getting my feelings hurt because they don’t show up the way I would have. But that’s not really fair.
I knew this was something I wanted to work on for my own sake and the sake of my relationships. But it hadn’t occurred to me why.
Look Inward & Ask Yourself Why?
I had been expecting certain treatment from my best friends because 1. In chldhood, loved ones who were supposed to show up for me didn’t. and 2. I was trying to mend a core wound of not feeling good enough/loveable. Deep down I felt that if I could gain validation from my best friends that that would prove that I was loveable and important. Throughout my life I always wanted to be prioritized. I cared so much about being someone’s #1 (best friend, person) and I was so willing to do that for that person. And because I was so willing, it caused me to expect the same from them. So when they would have other best friends and say super sweet things to them online, I would get jealous. I thought because they were saying those things that it took away from what I meant to them. But it doesn’t. There’s no need to have an order of importance with the people in your life.
One person can’t be your everything.
I hadn’t realized that I was expecting one person to be my everything because I was willing to be someone’s everything. But that’s not fair to either of us. Nor is it healthy. Being someone’s everything can cause you to lose sight of your self. And one person can’t fulfill all your needs. There’s going to be friends you can say certain things to, and other friends you can do certain things with. Both type of friends are just as meaningful. They just serve a different purpose. Even with a romantic partner. You can’t expect them to be your main source of happiness. It’s draining and can lead to resentment.
Accept People for Who They Are
If you accept and appreciate people for who they are and how they show up for you, you are less likely to feel let down. Everyone thinks and sees things differently. How they are as a friend/lover is different than how you are, which is a wonderful thing. We all bring something different to each other’s lives. We all express our love in different ways. Once you see a person for who they are, then you can decide if that’s the type of friend/lover you want in your life. If you are unhappy with a relationship, it’s time to be honest with yourself. Some people can’t love you the way you want to and that’s not necessarily bad on their part. Not everyone is going to align or be in your life for ever. It’s unfair to expect someone to change themselves to fit your high expectations.
Communicate
If something does bother you and a friend doesn’t show up for you at all, it’s essential to voice that concern. It may feel like it’s something you shouldn’t have to point out and you rather just cut the person off. But it’s healthy to communicate when something bothers you. It’s uncomfortable, but you’ll be glad you said something. You’ll feel relieved getting it off your chest. How the person responds is on them. If you get the reaction you’re afraid of, it will hurt but you’ll be glad you saw their true colors.
A negative response will show you that that person isn’t really a good friend. If the person truly loves you, they will be glad that you came to them to talk. They should take accountability and show they mean it with their actions. If they do, the relationship will grow. You will be glad you said something and there will be no resentment. Seeing a mature response will show you have a good person in your life. Your respect for each other will grow.
Once you speak your truth, the rest is on the other person. You can then see things more clearly and act accordingly. There will be no confusion because you already stated to them your feelings and concerns. If they don’t follow their words with actions, you can choose what you want to do with that information. Distance yourself, match their effort, cut them off etc., they can’t say you didn’t say anything. At least you’ll know that you did your part.
Expect nothing and appreciate everything
I hope this post helps out those who are a little extra sensitive, can take things personal and care very much. We tend to froget that other people are not like us, in doing so we feel let down. But we’re hurting our own feelings and for our sake need to let go of high expectations.
If you got this far, I appreciate you. Wishing you the best on your self discovery journey! Have a great day/night <3
Leave a comment of your perspective on this post or if it resonated with you!