It’s essential to work on healing your inner child to rewire unhealthy and damaging patterns that we learned in childhood.
Healing your inner child is especially important if you have experienced childhood trauma. You have the power now to be there for your inner child and give them the love and support they have always wanted.
Having experienced childhood trauma myself, I have had to reparent myself and change the way I speak to myself in tough times. The tips included in this post are practices I’ve done myself and continue to do so. It’s an ongoing journey for sure.
This post is all about why and how to work on healing your inner child.
It’s up to you now
We can’t stay in a victim mindset if we’re trying to grow. Trust me, I know how it feels to realize that our parents, peers, and other adults in our lives are the ones that led us to have low self esteem, anxiety, poor communication skills and so on. It’s very easy to say, “Well that’s how I am and how I grew up so there’s no way to change things.” but that’s coming from a victim mindset and lack of accountability. We are adults now and it’s up to us to do the work and do better. It doesn’t excuse the way people treated you in the past, and your hurt is completely valid. Whatever your situation is, you have the right to be angry, sad, hurt etc.. Take that hurt as motivation to break the cycle.
Write a letter
This is a very helpful exercise to really put out loving words that your inner child has been longing for. This is the time to write down the words you wish you were told as a child. Words filled with love, support, and compassion. Let your younger self know, “I see you. I hear you. Your feelings are valid. I’ve got you now. Tell me your suffering, I’m here to listen”. Make sure to validate, comfort and reassure your younger self regarding the specific experiences and people that hurt you. Let them know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them and that you are here to protect them. Let them know that you are an adult they can trust and seek validation from. This is a common exercise to do, but I got inspiration and guidance on what to include in my letter from the book Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh.
Face your childhood wounds
We all have memories of our childhood that stuck to us and that we rather forget. It may have been just one incident that impacted you, or a serious of minor instances that eventually brought you down. It could have been a specific person or just the memory of how people had made you feel. As much as we would like to say, “It is what it is. It’s in the past.” it’s not that simple. Whatever pain you went through as a child lingers on until you face it and acknowledge it. It’s not easy but you have to do it if you want to heal. You can’t suppress the pain and hurt and expect it not to show in other ways. Hurt people hurt people. Why do you think people say and do hurtful things when they’re upset? They have internal struggles and are just taking it out on you. That’s why they say what people do and say are a reflection of how they see themselves.
I get it, we don’t always want to face shit and there’s a part of us that wants to stay the same so we don’t have to deal with the hurt. But that’s when you have to take accountability and atleast be aware of the fact that you are the reason you are not healing.
Be the parent your younger self needed.
When you decide to take the time to face those painful memories, you can talk outloud to yourself, journal, record yourself, whatever you feel would most help you. Most of the times I don’t plan it, I will just be reminded of something from my childhood and if I am alone in a safe space then I dig deeper. Allow yourself to feel the shame/pain/embarrassment/hurt whatever you felt at the time of the memory. When you are feeling these tough emotions, speak directly to your inner child and apologize that they had to go through this as a child. Validate them. Reassure them. Let them know that they are safe now and you are here for them. You will always be there for them. Hear them out and allow them(yourself) to let it all out. Dont judge yourself, don’t try to analyze. Just feel. There’s no need to judge yourself for what you’re feeling, or if you’re struggling. Don’t try to force it either, if you are not feeling called to do some deep inner work then that’s okay. There will be an opportunity for you to do so and that is when you should decide to do it instead of brushing it off.
Speak directly to your inner child.
This can also be done in times when you are feeling shame, sadness, anger and/or insecurity. These feelings are likely coming from a place of hurt that was caused in the past. This is where you can speak to your inner child the way you would’ve wanted someone to speak to you. Validate, reassure and send lots of love to that little you that is hurting. Hug yourself and give yourself compassion. If it’s difficult to visualize your inner child, you can use a childhood photo to look at. For more on self-compassion (which is a great way to improve your relationship with yourself and your inner child) read my post, How to Practice Self Compassion and How to Improve Your Relationship With Yourself.
Keep in mind that our childhood consists of early childhood (0-10), pre-teen years (11-14), teenage years (15-19) and even until you’re 21 years old. I may not have the age ranges exactly correct but you get the point. You can start with your early childhood, or whatever age period that you faced significant trauma/struggle. We all have instances from each time period that shaped us to the adults we are now.
Be childish.
Do hobbies that you liked as a child, and new hobbies you have been wanting to get into. Try to make plans that are more adventurous or spontaneous. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, just do what brings out that childlike energy within you. Let loose and have fun. Being weird and dumb with your friends is always a fun time. You can also watch movies and play video games from your childhood, like watching old disney movies and playing SuperMario Bros. Take the time to think about what you liked to do as a child. Dancing is also very healing. It doesn’t just pertain to childhood but there is something about dance that allows one to let go and be in the present like children usually do. I used to enjoy reading and as I grew up there never seemed to be time for it or I thought I didn’t like it that much anymore, but now that I’m back to reading I remember how much I enjoyed it and how natural it is for me.
Invite your inner child to experience great moments together.
When you are having fun, seeing something new, accomplishing a goal whatever it may be, speak to your inner child and invite them to enjoy the moment with you. Share with them the joy you feel and let them see where you are now. It really increases feelings of gratitude because you are reminded of how far you’ve come. Let your inner child know that you remember them, you are with them always.
Take your time.
Take your time, remember you’re on your own timeline. There’s no need to rush and there’s no need to force anything. Use the information on this post to guide you but also do things however you feel is right for you. Healing your inner child is difficult and takes a lot of strength and courage to face childhood wounds. Thank yourself for taking the next step in healing.
This post was all about healing your inner child and how to do so.
Thank you for taking the time to ready my post, I really appreciate it! I wish you the best on your own journey. Have a great da/night <3