I’ve been single for a while now and though I’ve been celibate, I’ve been open to the experience of dating. But now that I have strengthened my discernment and elevated my standards, I’ve been on zero dates.
It’s been more than a year since I’ve been on a date and I’m over it at this point. I was seeking dates for the experience, to meet different types of men. But damn, the ones I’ve met so far have been giving me more reason why I’m better off being single af.
This post is about having discernment and how that’s resulted in rejecting much more men.
Over it.
Men have approached me and initiated conversation through text/dm but it hasn’t gone any farther than that. At first, I was annoyed. Annoyed that grown ass men are trying to just be texting buddies or give the bare minimum. For me, it’s common knowledge to initiate a date within the first days of texting. But I understand that maybe some men don’t think that way, so I would do my part and *communicate* my wants. And what has happened? They make it seem like they’re about it. They’ll say “okay, I can do that. When are you available?” I let them know my availability and I’m met with a “sounds good!” And then that’s it…. likeeee huh?? Why front when you can just be straight up.
Discernment.
So off the bat with these guys, before I ended up leaving them on seen/delivered I had a sense that they weren’t as interested in me as I want a man to be. This is where I notice my discernment has improved. In the very beginning, it really is the little things that speaks volumes.
Questions to ask yourself
There’s certain things I pay attention to. Do they have urgency to see me and have a date? Are they responding in a timely manner? Do they show curiousity and interest in me, my life and interests? Are they trying to have a casual first date? Are they love bombing me?
Know what you want.
Its also important to know what you want in a man and your intentions with dating. If you want to be taken seriously and want a higher value man, you have to see how these guys move when they’re trying to court you. If you’re more “go with the flow”, your standards for a man to get a date will be different.
Though I had been wanting to date for the experience, I still value my time and cherish my alone time. So when I saw these guys move funny, I took it as a waste of time to meet with them.
Some of my experiences so far:
I’ll go through some of the red flags that a few of these men had done that showed me I should not take them seriously and probably stop responding.
Lagging.
One guy was lagging way too much and hadn’t asked me on a date until I communicated that I didn’t want to just be texting. He lagged until the next day about plans so I just stopped responding. He should know why.
Love bombing.
Another guy I had just met at a bar was saying he was going to make me his gf and that he promises he’ll take me out. Right off the bat this guy is love bombing me and saying things that you shouldn’t tell just anyone. That shows he probably tells every girl that. If it’s so easy for him to say such things, who knows what else he makes up.
Low effort date/Ghosting/Lack of communication.
Lastly, this guy I met in person was trying to just do a casual date which I told him I don’t do. So he says he’s okay with that and goes on to make date plans. One thing; boy didn’t even formally say he wanted to take me out and two, he had said “we’ll make plans”. This guy clearly isn’t the type of guy I want. I want one that is going to come with initiative and come correct. This guy ends up ghosting me the week of our plans and messages me the week after as if nothing happens. When I called him out on it, he tried to change the subject! Lol a clown. He was left on seen.
Our time is valuable!!
These guys I had still been open to go on a date with them just for the experience since I really don’t have a lot of it when it comes to dating. But these guys had shown me they weren’t even worth my time. Key word: shown. Their actions showed me they weren’t all that into me. And though I was willing to go on one date, they weren’t even worth that.
Dating experience would be fun and helpful but I’m not going to overlook red flags just for the sake of it. My time is valuable and there’s so much other things I can do, so unless a man comes correct I’m not really seeking dating experience that much.
The audacity.
One thing that boggles my mind is the audacity these “men” have. They’ll always have the audacity. Not the effort. Not the time. Not the consistency. But the audacity? Oh they’re shameless with that.
What makes them think they can act in such a way? Does it work with other women? Do other women brush off their actions?
We’ll never know the answer and it’s a waste of time to try to figure it out, but its up to us to act accordingly when a man tries it. Because one thing is; men will see what they can get away with. See if the girl will tolerate it/ignore it. But not me, not anymore.
That’s why we all gotta stand on business!! These guys think they can get away with the bare minimum. I don’t judge those girls who accept that because I used to too, but I just hope that with time more women will realize their worth.
Shift the perspective
So yes, at first I was annoyed and felt discouraged. But I shifted my perspective. I can control how I see the situation. So instead of feeling like there’s no good men out there, I decided to see it as a sign that my discernment has improved.
In the past, I probably would have kept texting these guys and go on the bare minimum hangout. I would’ve carried the conversation and have them be the one to leave me on delivered. I’m proud of my growth and to see that I’m able to put my discernment into practice.
So as I’ve heard from Victoria Alario (a content creator I look up to and have taken advice from, podcast: For the Girls), these failed date attempts are leading me closer to my person.
you’re one more person closer to your *person*
This post was all about discernment, rejecting dusties and valuing our time.
I firmly believe that we attract people based on where we’re at, and some people may be tests. As I continue to stick to my boundaries, listen to my intuition and be myself I will attract people who align with me.
I’m going to continue being hot, young and enjoying my singlehood. Summer is coming up and I can’t wait ;). To my single girlies, pour into yourself and enjoy your individuality. There’s lots to learn and experience. Have a great day/night, thank you for being here <3