One day I decided to get out of my comfort zone in a drastic way.
I wanted to do something for myself, without the influences of anyone else.
I made the decision in November 2021 to move to Madrid, Spain and work as a language assistant for 9 months. I had just graduated college and wanted to travel, as well as just get away. I heard of this program on tiktok and stuck with the decision.
This post is all about important life lessons you can gain from getting out of your comfort zone.
It seemed perfect; the job gave me more experience in my field, I would get to travel and have the “college” experience I never had. I had begun my self development journey that year and wanted to do something that I know I wouldn’t regret. It was easy to commit to it because a part of me knew it was the right decision. So I went through the long application process, packed my shit, got my flight and never looked back. I never doubted my decision, I was scared but so excited. I knew it would impact me a lot, I just didn’t know how. Now a little over a year since I left, I really am a changed person which is why I would recommend it to anyone.
Everyone is different and gains different lessons from their experiences depending on where they are at in their life. I began my experience not sure of myself, socially anxious, less confident and afraid to do things on my own. If you share any of these traits then I believe you’ll gain similar lessons.
These are mine and I hope they encourage you to step out of your comfort zone in a major way.
You are more capable than you think.
Before making the move, I would have anxious thoughts about any little circumstance I may have to deal with. I wasn’t as confident and I doubted my greatness. I was definitely not the type to get out of my comfort zone unless I was forced. During my stay I had faced multiple challanges and successes; I got Covid, had my first breakup, dealt with the visa process, had my wallet stolen, had successful solo trips, always made rent, and so on. All things that would have terrified me if I knew beforehand, but when it comes down to it I handled it like a boss. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy and at times very testing but it happened and I got through it. It was hard not having my closest friends and family physically there to help me, but I did that shit!
Your mind will scare you more than the action itself.
Kind of piggybacking on the previous lesson, things will terrify you but once it occurs you deal with it and life goes on. All the hardships you’ve faced, you’ve surpassed it so why wouldn’t you be able to get through being outside of your comfort zone? Imagining myself moving to a whole ass other continent without family and friends was scary, but strangely enough once I got there and had my first night alone I felt completely fine. Many people may say different, but I think this depends on how comfortable you are being on your own and away from family. You’d think it would feel different, like your family is so far away but it doesn’t. Obviously by the looks of it, everything is different but it doesnt feel like you’re in a different continent. If you are dependent on the physical presence of others, then it will definitely teach you not to be. You really just have to do it instead of think about it. Your mind can makeup an endless amount of scenarios but you won’t know how its actually going to go until you’re there.
Your self love and sense of self grows while spending time in solitude.
While in Spain, I did make friends and had somewhat of a social life but I spent a lot of the second half of my stay alone. Many weekends I spent having solo dates. My solo dates consisted of either going somewhere to eat, getting coffee and reading at a cafe, or relaxing at a park of my choosing. I had spent many nights enjoying my company, watching a movie/show and eating dinner I made. I went on a few solo trips to other cities and spent them the way I wanted to. In these times, I learned to enjoy doing things alone and more about my interests. I reflected on my goals and values along with what I wanted to do with my life (still figuring that out but I have a better idea lol).
I got more into personal development and had the clarity to make up my own standards and desires without outward influences. My sense of self became more secure which led me to be more selective on who and what I surrounded myself with. If I had more fun on my own than hanging out with certain people, than I know they weren’t adding to my life. Now I realize how much I needed that space and solitude. There were things I needed to become aware of to improve, and stop repeating unhealthy patterns. There’s so many things we don’t get the chance to reflect on because we’re busy or distracted by other things like going out with friends, family obligations, drama, etc. so it’s important to have time for yourself.
Confidence will grow from within by putting yourself out of your comfort zone.
This statement is obvious but, I didn’t realize the truth of it until it happened. Before going to Spain I was way more closed off, socially anxious and insecure. I wasn’t sure of myself as a person and I was hard on myself, easy to feel shame for my messups. I didn’t see myself as a person who can confidently socialize with new people or do things on my own (like traveling, eating out, going about life speaking another language). Moving to another country had already raised my confidence but I see it now more than ever how much I’ve grown. Being back home I can compare my present self to how I was before, and it shocks me how differently I go about things. I wouldn’t say my social anxiety has completely went away, but now I can conversate with new people and not overthink what they think about me. I’m secure with myself now that I don’t care about looking dumb or how others percieve me. It’s a great feeling to have been told by close friends that I’m more open and confident than before. It’s not something that happens overnight, but it’s amazing how the confidence just comes from within, it’s not forced. I can look back on my experiences and be like, “Wow. I did that. I’m proud of myself.”
Focus on the good.
My experience was not what I had expected, but I got more out of it than I thought. There were times where I let comparison bring me down. I felt like I wasn’t living my experience to the fullest because I wasn’t going on trips and partying every weekend with friends. But in those moments I reminded myself of all the positives I had gained thus far. I applauded myself for the big and small wins. Spending time in solitude and truly loving my own company was one of the greatest gifts that doesn’t compare to the experience I had expected. I was able to grow so much and realize what’s important to me. My Spanish improved a lot as well. I did things I never thought I would ever do, like spend Christmas alone in Germany, riding a camel in Morocco, going to a concert alone and so on. Yes, having a close group of friends would have been cool, but I know now that my experience had a different purpose. Just making the decision to do something way out of my comfort zone is something I am really proud of.
Use triggering situations as an opportunity to show self compassion.
During my stay in Spain, I had been faced with triggering situations that I have dealt with before at other major stages in my life. Making friends and speaking Spanish are two major struggles and insecurities of mine. Though I had met great people and made a few friends, my social life wasn’t flourishing as I had hoped. I wasn’t meeting people I genuinely clicked with but I also wasn’t putting myself out there as much. I did put in effort to meet new people and went on a few BumbleBFF dates, but it felt so forced and I was hoping for a friendship that came easy. This brought feelings of shame and insecurity over not being a social butterfly and having the energy to try harder. I accepted my situation for what it was and decided to stop beating myself up over it. I was stuck on expectations and an image of what society praises. I stopped seeing my introverted traits as a bad thing and stopped defining myself by traits other’s have labeled me. As for my Spanish, with time and practice I did gain more confidence in speaking. I was so stuck on looking dumb that I allowed it to hold me back, but with improving a language you have to put yourself out there to mess up. Those two things have always been a major struggle for me but by accepting myself for the level that I’m in and giving myself grace (instead of judgment) I am more comfortable messing up in front of others. Being Mexican and not knowing Spanish brought a lot of criticism from my own people, but now I accept myself as a pocha and applaud myself for trying.
Making friends as an adult is hard, don’t beat yourself up.
Like you know by now, I don’t make friends naturally as an extrovert would. Growing up around extroverts and having best friends that got along with everybody made me feel like I was the only one struggling. But as I met other people and came across living abroad tik toks, I saw that many people have the same struggle. It can be years until someone meets their tribe, especially as an adult when everyone is busy and already has set friends from school. To make friends as an adult, it requires way more effort, trial and error. You may meet people who are great and fun to be with, but it’s not the same. Don’t feel too bad about it. Continue to put yourself out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. Get into a hobby and maybe even use a friend app. The time will come.
The Monday-Friday, 9-5 workweek is not for me.
This is one of my biggest realizations that brought on more questions on how I want to live my life. I believe in having a career that aligns with your passions but I don’t want my whole life to revolve around my career. I want to serve people while also having the freedom of my own schedule. Spending most of my life at work with only two days off is just absurd to me. Even an extra day off (3-day weekend) would make a huge difference. There needs to be a work-life balance, and I’m trying to achieve that with this blog. I created this blog while in Spain and had the time to fully focus on it. I’m trusting the process and letting things play out while I follow my intuition and passions. I just can’t see myself working 8 hours a day, 5 days of the week for the rest of my life. I know there has to be another way to fulfill my purpose and I’m going to keep trying until I achieve it.
Stick to what matters to you and makes you happy.
What kept me grounded and became more obvious throughout my stay are my values and what truly matters to me. As time passed, the date to renew for a second year came around. I slightly considered it, knowing that I would have another fun year of experiencing new things, meeting new people and improving my Spanish. I had to really think about what truly makes me happy. Though I wasn’t unhappy, I wasn’t as fulfilled as when I was near my family and bestfriends. It became clearer to me how special my bonds are back home and how the wonders of travel weren’t enough to keep me there another year. Which brings me to my last lesson.
Who you’re with matters more than where you are.
I had so many fun experiences with great, cool people. I traveled on my own and traveled with friends. Yet I found myself having moments wishing my loved ones back home were with me to experience it. I have genuine laughs and fun with my best friends at the park more than I did with friends abroad on an island. I appreciate those times and mean no disrespect to those people, but I couldn’t help but compare to the relationships back home. The comparison didn’t ruin my time with those I met, but it was something I took note of. Everyone is different. Some people enjoy travel enough to be away from home but for me, it’s not something I would want to do for a long period of time. I came to realize that as much as I can be free-spirited, I am also a homebody who loves comfort and the familiar.
Make a decision that could be the best decision you’ve ever made.
With confidence, I can say that moving to Spain is the best decision I’ve made for myself thus far. It really opened my mind about life and how much more there is to see in the world. I got to learn more about myself and enjoy my own company. I’m more self aware and overall confident in my abilities and decisions. I was not one to step outside of my comfort zone at all, but I’m so glad I did.
If you got this far, thank you so much for reading my post. I hope you gained something from it and I wish you the best on your self development journey. Have a great day/night! <3