Change is the only constant in life. You think you know what you want or how your life will turn out, until reality hits you in the face.
That’s what happened to me…
More Change Than Expected
These past few years after college have been a bumpy road to say the least. Years of discomfort, change, anxiety, confusion. Going from the high of living in a different country for 9 months to then coming back with a different perspective on life. It really set me on a whirlwind of confusion.
Going through all this internal change has affected me more than I’d like to. I went to Spain with the desire to travel and get out of my comfort zone, thinking I’d come back home and return to usual. Get a job in my field and begin planning for a master’s degree to become a school counselor. That was 2022.
Now it’s 2025. I’m not a school counselor. I didn’t get a master’s degree. Oh, and I don’t even think I want to work with children anymore.
Letting Go of the Old Version of Me
I’ve had to let go of this previous plan I had for myself since I was 18. Having to start over has been scary and it took some time to be at peace with it. I’m still in the process of letting go of the version of me that I once was before Spain.
Living in another country opened my eyes to what I’ve been missing out on. Seeing different cultures, lifestyles, and beautiful sights made me realize I want the time and money to do that more. The idea of a typical 9-5 began to appear less and less appealing. I came back home wanting more.
Not just the ability to travel, but to experience more out life and not spend most of my days stuck to a job. I don’t want my life to be centered around my job.
Not only did my life goals change but I was also learning a lot about myself. I spent so much of my life suppressing my creative side, feeling insecure and shame about being an introvert/shy. Spain really helped me gain my confidence and self acceptance. It feels like I’ve learned so much about myself that now I’m even more confused.
Embrace Change and Let Go
So now I’ve been in this process of embracing change and letting go. And it’s been hard.
I like control. Having a plan. I like knowing.
I have none of that now. Or that’s how it felt last year. But I do, just in different ways.
I have control over my perspective. During this period of my life, I get to choose my attitude. I can make a tangible plan to get closer to clarity. I know eveything is working out for me. I know time will tell.
What Do I Base My Self Worth On?
This situation also made me realize something about myself. I based my self worth so much on my accomplishments and career. Feeling like I’m going backwards really hurt my self esteem. Being 25 (which is still really young) without a post-grad degree or still living at home made me feel less than.
Why do I feel the need to prove my worth? Why do I feel like I need to have it all together? I’m just so prone to shame. They are things inbedded in me from childhood. It’s not something I can heal with some words of affirmation and thinking positive. It’s been and will continue to be a journey getting over that belief that I need to prove my worth.
This situation is really making me find self worth from just existing and being myself.
Always Choose Gratitude
On the bright side, I’ve learned to be patient and accept myself for where I’m at. I have a lot to be grateful for and I don’t want to spend my time being sad or negative. Time will pass anyway and atleast I’m trying. It hasn’t been easy to have faith when it feels like nothing is changing, but I’m going to keep holding on. Hope you do too.
I was naive or delusional (or both) to think that once I quit my job, things would start unfolding and I would decide what career I wanted to commit to. That’s another lesson I’ve learned. Things take time, and you can’t force shit. Be patient with yourself.
Whatever the situation, you can’t control the exact outcome or when it will happen. So might as well make the best out of your current situation while taking action to reach your goals. Being anxious and scared won’t do you any better than being optimistic and trusting that things are working out.
You’re not always going to feel optimistic, and it’s okay to have a crash out every now and then. Just don’t stay in that negative mindset. Don’t internalize it and think it defines you. Being in your 20’s is hard, keep pushing.
Thank you for being here and I hope you have a great day/night <3